There's this TikTok trend going around right now that uses Djo's "End of Beginning". The lyrics play "And when I'm back in Chicago, I feel it. Another version of me, I was in it." to curated videos/photos. In short, it's used to reminisce or pay tribute to memories of an important place.

I saw one that was a compilation of my sleepy college town. I started getting teary-eyed and couldn't help but to show my sister who also went there.

It feels difficult to reminisce about my college life without acknowledging that I'm completely neglecting the hard truth of it. I was probably the most mentally unstable I've ever been in those formative years, but I feel so fond of it at the same time.

I had a conversation with my friend. He expressed how much he missed college because everyone was so close together. Free time was plentiful. We could just be stupid.

My boyfriend and I exchanged college experience stories. It always left me in awe how he seemed to do college "right". He was never inhibited by any of the mental blocks that I had. I think about all the opportunities I didn't take or the experiences that I missed out on due to my anxiety or depressive episodes. Sometimes I kick myself for them.

Oh, I wish I'd reached out to more people in my classes. Oh, I wish I'd gone to more parties. Oh, I wish I'd taken advantage of dorm life more.

I feel nostalgic for college experiences I didn't have.

I'm always viewing them through the lens of my current self, medicated, post-therapy, adult me. It feels so unfair to my younger self. I would be able to handle those situations so much better now. I'm nostalgic for the fact that I wish it could've been current me back then.

I reminisce about college but don't know if I miss it.

I'm sympathetic to my 18-year-old self. She flunked first quarter and got her shit together to graduate on time. She was doing the best with what she had, I can cut her some slack for that.

My nostalgia isn't just about what happened; it's about what didn't. It isn't a straightforward longing for the past; it's a complex culmination.

The college experience I had didn't overlap much with the one I wanted. It was years of figuring myself out; I'm grateful that it made me who I am now.